Dracorex Hogwartsia
by KiraSakura
Summary: In which Draco has feathers, Harry has a hard head, and they're both oversized reptiles who like to argue and flirt at the same time .x. crack, oneshot .x. HP/DM .x. for jey and mothman .x.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter, it belongs to JK Rowling.

**Warnings:** Big words. Like. Really big. Extreme historical inaccuracy. Crack?

**Author's Notes:** After watching entirely too many documentaries on dinosaurs, I discovered that there was a dinosaur called _Dracorex Hogwartsia_. Seriously. It's awesome. I don't know if they actually had feathers, but I promised Jey. Who also beta'd. Yeah.

Draco looks like so: http:/en. wikipedia. org/wiki /Dracorex

Harry looks like so: http:/en. wikipedia. org/wiki /Stygimoloch

* * *

Draco screamed.

Running as fast as his legs could carry him, he scurried through the forest he had been foraging in, his heart beating and his tail twitching as the thunderous _thud-thud-thud_ of an Allosaurus echoed about him. He should have listened to his mother, he really, really should have. But the ferns on the outside of the forest had looked so soft and tender and delicious, and he had seen those bloody Stygimoloch eating them last week without a care in the world, and damnit, he was part of the family _Malfoyous_, so he why shouldn't he be able to eat those damned fancy ferns?

If he survived, his mother would inform him that they would give him indigestion, and there was a reason they lived deep in the forest. The food was richer, the predators smaller, and his father owned a nice cave on a creek that all the other dinosaurs were jealous of, mainly because they had to sleep in mud.

Behind him, the Allosaurus roared, and Draco squealed and ran faster, praying that he would somehow survive this whole ordeal. He was too damned pretty to be eaten by an ugly meat eater, what with his lovely white scales and soft little green feathers that tufted his tail and ankles. He had always figured he'd die because his father had gotten into another argument with those useless Stygimoloch Weasleyous' and that they would gang up on him and beat him to death with their outlandish heads. But, no, he was destined to death via broken neck and chewed up limbs, and it wasn't a pretty thought.

He was also getting tired, as Draco had always lived in the relative safety of his cave, and as such had no need for strenuous exercise. Really, he just spent his days wandering around, preening a bit, and eating the best ferns, and drinking from the clearest section of the creek, and sitting in his sunpatch and sometimes he even talked to the Stygimoloch herd that lived a little downstream. He wasn't very fit, not like that one Stygimoloch that annoyed the ever loving crap out of him, that bloody fucking Harry Pottersaurus, and he found it incredibly unfair that _he_ was the one being chased down, and not that idiot. After all, he'd been the one to give Draco the idea!

_I'll haunt that prat's fit fucking ass if it's the last thing I do!_ Draco thought quite seriously, because the Allosaurus was getting closer and he was getting slower. His muscles burned and he was out of breath, whilst the thing chasing him just seemed to be getting faster. The damned brute even had the gall to yell, "I'm going to you eat you, sweetheart! If you stop running I'll make it good for you!"

If dinosaurs could cry, Draco would have been, but since Draco hadn't yet evolved the ability to do so, he simply wailed loudly and tried to run a bit faster and silently mourned the loss of his lovely toenails. Pansy had spent ages on them.

And then suddenly there was a loud cracking noise and a pained scream behind him, and the loud crash of a heavy body falling to the ground. Chancing a look behind him, Draco blinked a little in shock. The Allosaurus was lying on the forest floor, twitching in pain with one of it's legs twisted at a strange angle. It looked as though it had tripped over a rock.

Now, Draco may have been a bit lacking in the forest-smarts department, but he wasn't an idiot, and seeing his chance he screamed a bit more and bolted, disappearing into the scrub and trees. Behind him, the Allosaurus huffed in anger and pain, and muttered crossly to itself, "Way to fucking go, Voldy."

* * *

It wasn't turning out to be his day. Draco sniffed a bit, as dinosaurs had developed the ability to dribble mucus from their noses when upset, and trudged along. He was hopelessly lost, and he had a headache, and his nails were _ruined_, and to top it all off he had stood in a mud puddle and as such gotten it all over his feet and feathers. It had also started to drizzle rain, making the air humid and sticking. Draco fancied he looked like one of those drowned fuzzy things he had seen every once in a while. He father had called them mummals, or mammals, or something. Either way, he wasn't a happy dinosaur, and he found himself wishing he had never gotten out of his leaf pile that morning.

He should have just stayed home and maybe flaunt his feathers a bit for Pottersaurus. Not that he did it to attract him, or anything. It was just that Pottersaurus had no feathers, and therefore Draco should lord that over him. Never mind the fact that that blockhead would stare and stare and make Draco's scales flush pink. It might be that Draco wanted to be a different colour that day, is all. And Pottersaurus could do that.

Snuffling sadly, he stopped for a moment, and looked about, trying to find something that looked familiar. But, alas, no trees looked like the ones at home, and the bushes weren't all neat and manicured by those baby Sauropods his father hired, and the air wasn't filled with the obnoxious horn blowing of that group of Parasaurolophus that lived a few miles off and didn't know when to shut up.

Instead it was quiet and overgrown and Draco was absolutely terrified.

Settling himself down on a drier-that-the-rest-of-the-ground patch, Draco shivered, and laid his head down to sniffle a bit more.

* * *

He woke with a start, his head jerking up in fright. Looking around him, Draco tried to determine where the loud crashing sound had come from, before another crunch sounded near him. Scrambling to his feet, his eyes darted one way and then another, as he tried to determine which way would be best to run.

But then, before he had a chance, the bushes on his right exploded, and screaming Draco fell backwards over himself, cowering in the mud. He waited for the final blow, shivering and whimpering and seeing his life flash before his eyes, when a quiet, familiar, "What are you doing, you prat?"

_Oh thank the sweet God of dinosaurs_, Draco thought, scrambling to his feet, _I've been saved!_

Granted he was a muddy, shuddering mess and his arch-rival had just come across him in such a state, but Draco decided he didn't care, and instead moved to nuzzle Pottersaurus' neck.

"I'm so happy to see you." He told him, rubbing against his big, strong, warm hero. "I thought I was going to starve to death and when someone found me they'd think I'd let my looks go!"

Pottersaurus snorted, and replied, "You have strange priorities, Malfoyous. Just what the hell were you doing getting lost anyway? Your mother almost had a fit, and your father has spent the last day running around accusing everyone they'd kidnapped you. And then they found that Allosaurus, Voldemort, lying half dead in the forest with a broken leg and one of your feathers near by and everyone thought the worst. What were you even thinking? I was worried!"

"_You _were worried? What about me? I've had to spend the night in this stinking pit while you all saunter around in a half-assed attempt to look for me! I thought I was going to die!" Draco yelled back, waving his little arms around.

"Well, you're obviously not dead, you overdramatic moron. Jeez, who else but _you_ would be stupid enough to not know your own cave is only twenty minutes west? Haven't you ever been away from your sheltered little cave?"

_Patronizing prat_, Draco thought angrily, and he hissed in reply, "No, because I had no need to. I'm not some sort of, oh, over muscled _brute_ who wanders off with his friends for some stupid adventure, leaving the one dinosaur who could be bothered to lower himself to talk to him behind to wonder if he'll ever come back!"

"… wait, wait, are you saying you worry about me?"

Draco stared up at Pottersaurus like he was insane, and demanded, "How is that relevant to the conversation at hand?"

"You're the one who bought the topic up!" Pottersaurus replied, shaking his ridiculous head.

"No I didn't!" Draco oh so wittily replied. Yelling in annoyance, Pottersaurus then turned around to storm off, snapping, "Yes you did, you over feathered poncy little idiot."

Draco's eyes narrowed. Oh, it was _on_ now.

"Well at least I don't look like I have half a smooshed egg sticking out of my head!"

Pottersaurus spun around at that. Ever since they had been little, Draco's feathers and Pottersaurus' domed head had been a way of antagonizing each other, mainly because Draco took great pride in his feathers and Pottersaurus took great pride in his head. They were signs of manliness.

… well, more so in Pottersaurus' case.

"You're just _jealous_!" Pottersaurus roared, and then he charged, sending Draco screaming and running.

_Ohfuckohfuck he's going to bludgeon me to death!_

Pottersaurus chased Draco through some bushes and some trees, until Draco burst out upon the creek. He could hear the trumpeting of the parasaurolophus lot up stream, but then Pottersaurus stormed through the foliage, leaving Draco cornered.

"You annoying little prick! I spend two days looking for you, half convinced you're dead, and then when I find you you insult me!"

"I didn't ask you to look for me!" Draco half yelled, half whined, tired from all the running.

"You didn't have to!" Pottersaurus yelled back, advancing on him. "Fuck, Malfoyous, I was so _scared_ that something had happened to you. Why the hell do you have to such a whiny bitch about it?"

"I don't knooow!" Draco cried, bursting into a bout of sniffles. "Why do you have to be so mean to me all the time?"

He ruffled his muddy ankle feathers in agitation, looking down at the ground. Above him, he heard Pottersaurus sigh, and then he was being gently rubbed and nuzzled by the larger dinosaur.

"Don't sniffle." Pottersaurus murmured. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired and upset because I spent all night imagining you being gone from my life."

"What would it matter?" Draco whimpered, quivering. "You don't care. You and your friends just sit around making fun of me."

"Mal—_Dracorex_, look, that was when we were kids. Hermione and Ron have moved on, they've started a family, and I have no reason to trek ten minutes up to your cave everyday. But I do, because, well, I get lonely without you around." Pottersaurus looked at away the admission, his cheek scales going red.

"You get lonely without me?" Draco asked, looking up at Pottersaurus in confusion. "I thought you hated me."

Pottersaurus shook his head. "I don't. Not anymore. In fact, I think I kind of like you. You and your lovely feathers."

Well. Draco had to admit, the dinosaur knew his way into another dinosaur's heart.

"I guess I kinda like your head…" He murmured in response, going pink all over. Potter stiffened for a moment, and then Draco was being licked along his cheek by the larger dinosaur, cheek-licking being the dinosaur equivalent to kissing.

"Good." He heard Potter… Harry mumble against him, as he started to lead Draco back home. "I'm glad you like my head. I've always sort of worried that you didn't."

Draco shook his head. "No. I think it's handsome, especially with that scar shaped like lightning. Do you really like my feathers?"

"I love them. They make you look so, so pretty."

Draco knew this was going to be a lasting relationship.


End file.
